


Falter

by Slwmtiondaylite



Category: Star Trek: 2009
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-03
Updated: 2010-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-12 11:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/124429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slwmtiondaylite/pseuds/Slwmtiondaylite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It seemed to Kirk that Spock was determined to forget her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falter

It was not often that Spock prevaricated. He had dedicated his life to logic and truth. And it was highly illogical to avoid the truth, the reality. But he did.

Kirk grew concerned over Spock's uncharacteristic avoidance. However, as his work did not show signs of decline, Kirk struggled to find some way to broach the topic with the Vulcan. He had begun to discreetly observe Spock's behavior, looking for some sign that Spock cared, that he had acknowledged the unbearable truth that occurred six months ago.

Unsurprisingly, his observations were few.

Since the tragedy, Spock had successfully avoided looking in the direction of the communications station. A feat considering the proximity to his own science station. He rarely acknowledged the officer now seated at the station, and, when he did, it was done only when absolutely required of him and more often than not, the acknowledgement would conclude with a curt end.

Spock never said her name and never acknowledged it when another crewmember spoke it.

It seemed to Kirk that Spock was determined to forget her.

* * *

One day, Spock didn't arrive on the bridge for his shift. Kirk waited for one hour for the Vulcan to show. When that hour came and went and Spock still didn't arrive, Kirk gave Sulu the con and made the journey to his First Officer's quarters. He was concerned.

And it was that concern that made Kirk forego Spock's privacy and override the security code to his quarters.

"Spock?" he called out as he stepped over the threshold.

The quarters were Spartan. It had been many months since Kirk was last in here, but he recalled the quarters differently. They had been cozy and inviting - something he quickly realized was her doing.

Spock, it seemed, had removed all traces of her presence. Erasing her.

Kirk wanted to be angry at the Vulcan's apparent coldness regarding her. He could not understand why Spock would have wanted to do away with everything that held a memory of her.

"Spock?" he said again when he received no answer.

Kirk sighed, his concern growing.

It was unlike Spock to be unresponsive.

The Captain made his way to the sleeping area. Many scenarios ran through his head. Maybe Spock was ill and unable to reply. Maybe he was just deep in the midst of meditation and did not hear him.

Prepared to summon McCoy should the need arise, Kirk peered into the room. He was surprised to see Spock was not incapacitated in any way. Instead, the Vulcan sat still on the floor in front of the bed, his back against the mattress and his elbows resting on his knees as his eyes directed at something he held in his hand. He was not even dressed for duty; he still wore his sleep attire.

"Spock?"

Finally he got a response. Spock's eyes jumped from the mysterious object to Kirk. Immediately, Spock stood, placing his hands behind his back, posture rigid. "Captain. I apologize for my tardiness. I will accept any reprimand you deem necessary and it will not happen again."

"At ease, Spock," Kirk said. "Don't worry about it. I'm just concerned. About you."

Spock gave a quick nod. "I apologize for causing you concern." His attention then drifted from Kirk back to the object in his hand. Kirk sighed sadly and took a seat on the ground next to him. Eyeing the object Spock held he quickly realized it was a hair tie. No doubt it belonged to her. That must have been what had engaged Spock's attention for so long that he was unaware of the time.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Kirk asked, looking at Spock's profile.

"Talk about what, Jim?" Spock asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Whatever's got my First Officer so distracted he's more than an hour late to his shift."

Spock visibly winced. "Captain, I have already informed you that I shall accept whatever punishment you decide is appropriate."

Kirk sighed, frustrated. The Vulcan was avoiding again. "Spock." A beat. "It's her, isn't it? Uhura?"

Spock's eyes closed at the mention of her name. Kirk wanted to push, but over the years he learned it was better to wait. If Spock wanted to talk, he would. Pushing him would only cause him to close off.

"I had falsely believed that I was...adjusting." He raised the hair tie, twisting it around in his fingers. "As I prepared for my shift, this fell from between the mattresses. I...faltered...when I saw it. I apologize, Captain, it will not happen again."

"Spock."

"I am experiencing..." He uncharacteristically halted then spoke again. "I had thought that I removed all vestiges. It appears I was wrong."

Kirk grew concerned. "Why do you want to forget?"

Spock glanced at Kirk briefly. "I am Vulcan, Jim. I am incapable of forgetting." The implication hung in the air. Of course. Spock was the one that was there...in the end.

"It is illogical to allow ourselves to become overwhelmed by grief. Life moves on. And so must we," Spock continued.

"But, Spock, you can't move on until you take the time to grieve. Avoidance isn't the answer. And if she were here, she'd tell you the same thing."

A moment of silence passed before he replied. "You are correct. Nyota did indeed tell me this after Vulcan was destroyed."

Kirk smiled sadly. "She always was the smartest out of all of us."

"Indeed."

They sat in silence for several minutes, eyes drawn to the hair tie.

"Have you spoken with your daughter?" Kirk asked eventually.

"I have not. I have discovered that I have great difficulty dealing with our daughter. She is much like her mother."

"Is that why you sent her to Earth? To live with her grandparents?"

"I convinced myself that it was for her safety. Space is far too dangerous to raise a child."

"Call her. Talk to her. She needs her father and you need a little sunshine in your life."

Spock nodded as Kirk stood and left the Vulcan alone.


End file.
